The Severely Retarded

By Aik Awaz - One Voice

A columnist known for her humor coined the epithet ‘Im the Dim’ for the Kaptaan’ who is currently swaying the masses with his oratory and regaling them with personal anecdotes and revelations about those in the government or those opposing him and his revolutionary ideas for a ‘new Pakistan’. There is no doubt that his charisma and the catchy tunes and slogans are pulling in the crowds but so far there has been nothing said that could indicate that the title of Im the Dim was inappropriate and that actually a great intellect is at work. In fact the talk is of bulldozers tearing down walls, masses confronting those in authority, billions coming back to the country and so on ad nauseum. Except for two or three the other faces on the stage with the kaptaan do not inspire confidence.

   

Fortunately for the Kaptaan those he is railing against are beyond dim. They seem to be retarded. Instead of choosing a team that could govern and gain them credibility they opted to sideline the few talented people they had and brought in mouth pieces to trumpet their nonexistent achievements. No one was surprised when these morons talked themselves and their leader into ridiculous situations. Instead of delivering on governance they totally ignored the grievances of the masses and set about mega projects that boggled the mind. Neither the declining economy nor the precarious security situation fazed these people and nor did they deem it necessary to consult with others-- even ignoring the voices being raised against them and highlighting their follies. Into this widening breach between the government and the people stepped the gallant kaptaan and the result is before us. 

Unfortunately what is visible to all is still not understood by the retarded. Their minions make fools of themselves when they call a clearly visible crowd of hundreds of thousands something ten times less. They raise themselves to foolish levels when a scion of their dynastic political ambitions keeps a crowd of young people waiting for three hours and then starts talking about irrelevant things. Is it any wonder that he was booed off the stage and had to beat a retreat via a back door? How can the leader of a country go abroad without an agenda to justify the expense of his visit? Instead of muzzling their mouthpieces and pushing those into the wood work where they should be, these three nightmares are still doing everything possible to destroy their leader. Not learning from their disastrous intervention in Model Town they let loose a bloated Neanderthal in Islamabad whose fat red face and bulging neck veins will be forever imprinted on the mind as the image of the police top leadership. 

Neither the military nor anyone else needs to move a muscle. The dim and the retarded are exposing the political institution as never before. In fact everyone needs to lie low and let the drama unfold. The trouble is that a nuclear power is getting the image of a politically and economically unstable country with a massive security problem. Many are working to maintain and magnify this image to the world. The feeling on the street is that between the dim and the retarded something has to give and they hope and pray that it is not Pakistan. There are, of course, the optimists who think that democracy is being strengthened without pausing to consider why no one ever took this road to a strong democracy before.

Leadership in the Sky with Diamonds

Area 14/8

Blinded by hubris and fear of an ungraceful ouster, the leadership has been taking decisions that will make its downfall certain. Its stated ignorance during the Model Town incident is unfortunate if not laughable. That a man such as Qadri is able to make Pakistan’s favorite political party feel the heat is very telling of the level of insecurity felt by the latter—the insecurity that is often masked by bravado as the government and its representatives continue to congratulate themselves on bringing true democracy to the country.

What is unfolding before us does not look pretty: a leadership that is hell bent on shooting itself in the foot cannot lead a country out of crises of gargantuan proportions. How do you save someone who’s on a suicide mission? The country is fighting a war crucial to its survival while the political leadership remains passive and detached. Within the PML (N), there is also conflict and disagreement—the once proactive interior minister is now sitting in a dark corner licking his wounds. The chief minister tried, but failed to win him over. Perhaps he should give serious thought to serenading the disgruntled minister. “Akelay na jaana” was a hit with the youth and could have struck a chord given the contextual backdrop. Other than that, the government seems to be out of ideas as to what the game plan should be right now.

At such a critical juncture in the country’s history, when the government should work on taking the public into confidence and bridging the communication gap, it has chosen to fade into the background. The public is still unsure about what it is exactly that the government is thinking and/ prioritizing? Most of what is heard about the government’s responsiveness is in how it reacts to the unfortunate death of peacocks that once roamed the prime minister’s well manicured lawns. Nevertheless, it is still important to iterate that the government is mindful of the security threat that has grown to a dangerous level:  6 sniffer dogs and 2 bullet proof BMWs for the country’s chief executive are only part of the solution.

The Finance Minister knows his numbers and would like to add to your knowledge that Pakistan’s poor economic growth and high inflation rate are a thing of the past. Please update yourself on the latest statistics. Here, read a copy of the Economic Survey. The economy is thriving and if all goes according to plan, the dream of becoming an Asian Tiger will finally become a reality. His confidence and optimism touches hearts but builds curiosity: what is someone slipping into his morning tea? The question needs serious thought and consideration. We need a committee to sit on it (correction, sit for it) and evaluate various policy options to tackle this issue. Who is the real enemy? Is it someone from within our ranks? Or from across the border? Maybe someone who resents us and wants to beat us to world domination…

We must think fast and act faster. In fact, this calls for a sonic boom kind of response. We must fight this till the end. The nation’s salvation lies in the protection of its most prized assets: its ministers. The secrets to solving the energy crisis for instance, lie with one of the key men in government and have not been made public knowledge for fear of sabotage. If God forbid, the enemies of the state succeed in achieving their nefarious motives, Pakistan would be taken back to the dark ages (literally). What was that ghazal that Abida Parveen sang?

“Dhoondo ge agar mulkon mulkon

Milnay kay nahin nayaab hain hum

Taabeer hai jiski hasrat-o-gham

Aye humnafaso woh khwaab hain hum”